a set of vowels...

I felt it was time for a blog, however, my thoughts, conversations, and life in general has felt like a set of scrabble letters that are all vowels. These are of course crucial and powerful letters but you can’t make a single word or phrase out of all vowels.
Anyway that brings me to this blog – a kind of point-by-point presentation of "vowels" I’ve been thinking about and writing on scraps of paper…
Maybe you can use some to make words for your story.

These are not in any order:
1. Feelings of guilt, loneliness, and abandonment could be signs that i'm trying to go at it alone…pride, self-reliance/dependency, etc…

2. importance of holistic (non-dividing) worldview that all of creation is good and it lacks distinctions between secular and religious. our purpose is to release the bits of God's spirit within creation - redeeming/restoring...spirit to spirit.

3. we're not here to return to a garden but to take the garden mentality throughout all our lives and situation...

4. the separation of fields and disciplines etc is counterproductive because all exist within God and in the realm of his love and life...we have the opportunity to connect between...why limit between "secular" and "religious" labels - it all exists within God's framework and what he has called good.

5. what is it you live for? no, i mean truly and honestly. i don't know that i'm satisfied by my answer to this.

6. My competitive spirit is a humbling sign that I have yet to fully realize my worth and value in Christ and the unique role he designed me to play. My lines, staging, rehearsal times, costume, perspective, etc will not be the same as anyone else’s…

7. to live in and see a fallen world is torturous to us and calls into question God because it is not as it should be...however this is according to our judging and separating mind that holds false notions of good and bad and has created a false world of perfection to compare the real world to (and find it lacking)...God's concept of good is so much wider since he has the full picture...we need to ask him for a vision of restored creation living...not because this world is bad but because it has potential for so much more...

8. Importance of recognizing sinful family patterns in myself so as not to become victim to them…”inherited patterns of action and reaction”

9. Living in a relationship of “moralism” with God leads to the destructive belief that we can manage things on our own and thus, as we do “good,” God in return will spin things in our favor…a huge sense of self and lack of understanding our sin and need for grace…we self-punish when we fail and look for “God’s” punishment too (whoever/whatever gods we consult and measure ourselves by) because, due to the false world we’ve created (Raub), this is the system we feel most secure in – failure = punishment…success = reward. This thought pattern leads us to great inner turmoil since this is not reality (earthly or heavenly)…

10. I think I operate more from a place of “Lord make me strong” rather than a posture of “I am weak – You be strong”…this saddens me.

11. My self-preoccupation is irritating and oh-so-tiresome. It makes me feel cheap and exposed…as if that’s all I am or all I have (physical/outward perceptions). It’s not enough. Never enough, when all I want is the Smile of my Creator and that I’ve already received - alone in my room, make-upless and pudgy…but delighted in by one who’s opinion actually matters…

12. we have to let go of who we are not and what the world is not and live in truth...

13. being secure enough in yourself to call respect to others...